Here is the thing about infertility—people either want to talk about it or they don’t. You may never know if one of your family members or friends has struggled with this because they have chosen to keep this information to themselves. Everyone handles heartache and difficulty differently.
We have reached out to people we know who have opened up about this struggle. We appreciate their assistance in spreading good and helpful conversation geared around infertility. We hope you find it as helpful as we did.
What NOT to say:
-“Oh well, you can take my kids! They are driving me crazy!”
-“I know how you feel. We tried to get pregnant for five months and it was the worst. The doctor put me on Chlomid and I got pregnant the next month!” Unless you have gone through this for at least one year—your e experience isn’t helpful.
-(If someone has one child already and is having a hard time getting pregnant again..) “At least you have one!” This doesn’t make her feel better.
-Don’t ask when people are going to have kids. Just don’t.
-Don’t say you understand what they are going through. As harsh as it sounds no two experiences are the same. You can say that you have had experience with infertility and would love to talk about it if she ever wants to.
-Don’t complain or talk endlessly about your kids and pregnancy. Especially at girls nights, baby showers, etc. try to make conversation where everyone can contribute positively.
What to say:
-“I don’t know how you are feeling but I am here for you and love you. I can offer a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on.” This opens the door, doesn’t pry and doesn’t minimize her experience.
-If you know someone going through fertility treatments be patient with them. It is a very invasive process with a lot of hormones going on. A thoughtful call, text, or treat will go a long way.
-Be supportive. Tell her what a great mom you think she will be. You are cheering for her. You are praying for her.
-Be constant. Ask what she needs. She may want a night out or a night alone with ice cream.
-“I’m sorry”. Saying you’re sorry acknowledges the hurt, heartbreak and disappointment. It shows empathy for this experience that you may or may not understand.
Big thanks to our friends and family who helped us with this sensitive topic. Whether you can relate to this or not we hope you found something helpful in this post!